Truth Code: self
Εμφάνιση αναρτήσεων με ετικέτα self. Εμφάνιση όλων των αναρτήσεων
Εμφάνιση αναρτήσεων με ετικέτα self. Εμφάνιση όλων των αναρτήσεων

Πέμπτη, 23 Φεβρουαρίου 2017
Every once in a while, you come across a strong, independent woman who may give off an intimidating vibe. She just might be an alpha woman. Alpha women are confident, ambitious and they tell it like it is. They are used to taking charge but their power can end up being too intimidating for some, especially a romantic partner. For a significant other, it can be difficult to find a place in a relationship with an alpha woman. Here’s what an alpha woman needs to maintain a healthy, lasting relationship:

1. She Needs To Be Respected

An alpha woman will treat you with respect, and that’s what she’ll expect in return. She is confident enough to have respect for herself, and she won’t keep anyone in her life who looks down on her. She needs her partner to respect her decisions and to trust her.

2. She Needs To Be Challenged

An alpha woman needs excitement in a relationship. She needs a partner who will challenge her. She needs someone who isn’t afraid of a little friendly and harmless competition. An alpha woman’s partner needs to be able to hold their own.

3. She Needs Trust

They need to know that what they tell you in confidence will stay in that relationship vault. They need to be able to vulnerable and let their guard down once in a while. They need to trust someone not to stab them in the back for their own personal gain.

4. She Needs Honesty

All relationships need honesty, but a relationship with an alpha woman is less forgiving than others. If you lie once, they call it quits. This is probably because they know how valuable their time is, and won’t waste it on someone who isn’t a potential keeper.

5. She Needs To Be Able To Laugh

It’s true that alpha women work hard, but they like to play hard too. After an exhausting day, they need someone who can help to lighten their thoughts (and the mood). They need to be able to laugh, so if you can make them smile and forget about the worries of life for a bit, they’ll certainly want to keep you around.

6.She Needs A Safe Space. 

This may be the most important one. While every alpha woman you know is basically a machine who moves from one place to another, like a ninja who makes shit happen, there is going to come a time where that well-oiled machine breaks down.

6. She Needs Someone Who Can Keep Up

An alpha woman is often running at full speed. She has an agenda, she knows what needs to be done and she isn’t afraid of some hard work. She needs a partner who can keep up with her busy lifestyle, someone who isn’t afraid of an intense, high-pressure environment.

Continue reading

An unhappy relationship, or one where a person doesn't feel loved and appreciated has been known to cause clinical depression and other mental health problems in people.

A bad relationship can have a detrimental effect not only on one’s mental health, but on physical health too. Just being in a relationship— unhappy or not, can sometimes put you at a higher tendency of developing lifestyle-related medical conditions and diseases, that single people are less likely to develop.

1. Your relationship can make you gain weight.

People in relationships tend to be lackadaisical about their health and fitness, putting them at a higher risk of developing obesity and unhealthy eating than singles.

2. It can slow down your rate of recovery.

The recovery period after major surgeries or treatment, is often long. It is recommended that this time in a place that is familiar and comfortable to the patient, preferably their own home, as this corresponds with a higher rate of recovery. However an unsatisfactory or loveless relationship slows down the recovery of the person.

3. It causes depression.

An unhappy relationship, or one where a person doesn’t feel loved and appreciated has been known to cause clinical depression and other mental health problems in people.

4. Hypertension is often caused by strife in relationships.

The kind of sedentary lifestyle most couples lead puts them at risk of developing conditions like hypertension, low or high blood pressure and increased cholesterol. Singles tend to lead fitter lives in comparison.

5. Stress-related lifestyle diseases.

Lifestyle diseases are often brought on by stress, and stressful relationship can be the leading cause of coronary problems, increased cholesterol levels, obesity and heart disease.

6. Mental health.

The impact of one’s love life, can be seen in the mental health department too. Conditions like obsessive compulsive disorder, low self esteem, sometimes even schizophrenia, are often brought on by unhappy or unhealthy relationships.

Continue reading

Τετάρτη, 22 Φεβρουαρίου 2017

Those who keep a lid on their emotions understand the struggle of drowning in them. It’s not so much that you guard your feelings, it’s that you keep them to yourself until they eventually explode:

1. You’re always screaming internally…because screaming all those feels out in public is not only scary but it can cause a big scene.

2. You’re in tune with other people’s feelings…because you’re deep into yours. When your BFF laughs, you grin. When a stranger cries, you feel your own tears coming. Since you keep all that emotion inside, you drown in it.

3. Your response to horrible people is to smile…because you’re secretly imagining their death. Hey, what they don’t know won’t hurt them.

4. Keeping a lid on your feelings is a survival tactic. Your worst fear is someone using your vulnerability against you which is why you keep your emotions bottled up. It’s also why…

5. Your emotions are intense…because you’ve kept them in for so long, when they come out, they come out in a flood.

6. You hate crying…because crying can expose you to anyone who sees you in that state. You even hate how it feels: the tears that wet your cheeks, the lump in your throat, your lower chin trembling. You especially hate that critical look people give you before they ask are you crying?

7. You have concealed anxiety. It’s not that you hide your anxiety but you hide the symptoms like shaky breaths and sweaty palms. It’s hard to explain to others that you know what you’re afraid of is rather irrational, but you can’t help it. So you keep it concealed because it’s safer that way.

8. You’re an over-thinker…because of your intense anxieties, you become cautious of everything around you, analyzing things you’re not sure of to the T. You like to check your thoughts before you voice them.

9. When someone pisses you off…you don’t say anything until they’re gone and you’re free to rant about them to your BFF or on your blog. It’s because you’re not a fan of confrontation but of course, you’re not going to admit that out loud.

10. You have trouble speaking up…because you risk your feelings getting in the way of your voice. You don’t want to reveal too much information, but it also sucks keeping all you want to say in your mind.

11. You hate when people persistently ask you what’s wrong…because answering them can become complicated and you risk getting emotional. You don’t wanna seem cold but you also don’t want to be overbearing either.

12. You get pissed off at the world pretty easily. You always have those days where everyone from the delivery guy to the barista with the annoying eye roll is pissing you off. You find it pointless to explain your irritation because it’ll only make you seem like a debbie downer.

13. You’re very good at keeping a resting b*tch face…because you don’t want anyone to see all those waves of emotions pass through your face. But it can be a struggle because your b*tch face can also be an invitation for people to think there’s always something wrong with you.

14. You have a guarded heart…because your heart is so tender with emotions, you don’t want it to get in the wrong hands.

Written by Marie Cyprien

Continue reading

Image Credits
Major depressive disorder is the leading cause of disability in the United States for ages 15-44. Depression affects more than 15 million American adults in a given year. It can cause you to feel hopeless, restless and have difficulty concentrating. People suffering from depression often experience difficulty sleeping, weight changes and loss of interest in hobbies and activities. If you have ever suffered from depression or know someone who has, you know how debilitating it can be.

Overcoming depression is never easy, but learning how to train your brain to avoid negative thoughts can help. Use these three steps to train your brain to stop depression:

1. Focus On The Future

Feelings of sadness often come from events that have happened in the past. In order to move forward, you must turn your attention to the future. Allowing the past to have a negative hold on you will impact your present and your future. As hard as it might be, you must tell yourself that reliving events from the past will continue to have a negative effect on your life. Find a way to make peace with the past and move on. You might not forget what happened, but you can tell yourself that you are brave enough to move forward, in order to make a better life for yourself.

2. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

With the popularity of social media, it seems that more and more people are comparing themselves to others. You might see someone else’s life and wish it was your own. You might be jealous of their looks, their possessions, their social status or their success. When you compare yourself to others, you are letting them steal your joy. You are making your own life seem unimportant or insignificant. Stop making comparisons. It’s important to know that you are unique and beautiful. You have your own things to offer to the world. If you need to delete your social media pages, do it. Don’t waste another minute feeling envious of someone else. Instead, work on making your own life more fulfilling.

3. Train Your Brain Not To Repress Thoughts And Feelings

Everyone has negative thoughts and feelings every once in a while. You might think that avoiding them can help you avoid depression, but the opposite is true. Research has shown that suppressing negative thoughts is actually associated with “obsessive thinking and emotional reactivity.” To avoid become depressed, learn to observe your negative thoughts and emotions as they happen. Train your brain to recognize them and tell yourself that a negative thought does not need to define you.


Continue reading

While reasoning comes easy to highly intelligent people, most of us with a high IQ experience a degree of social apprehension, lack social skills, and are branded socially incapacitated geniuses. Here's why...

If ignorance is bliss, is intelligence a curse? Are there any downsides to being highly intelligent? Intellectual capabilities are by far the greatest of gifts that a human being can possess. But the reality is: some of us are born smarter than others; some of us have higher than normal intelligence; and some of us, who are highly intelligent, are cursed in many ways.

Most of us don’t know there’s a neurological correlation between being socially awkward and being highly intelligent. While reasoning comes easy to highly intelligent people, most of us with a high IQ experience a degree of social apprehension, lack social skills, and are branded socially incapacitated geniuses.

It’s not because highly intelligent people are social fools, but because they see the world on an entirely different level than the rest of us. People who are socially anxious are usually highly intelligent and vice versa. Here’s why being highly intelligent is both a blessing and a curse:

1. They overthink responses

Highly intelligent people have a keen eye for detail. They are overthinkers who constantly analyze everything happening in their life and beyond. They tend to ponder what they/others say/do and contemplate conclusions/solutions for a long time, which eventually interferes with their interpersonal relationships. By over-analyzing things, moreover, they distance themselves from mainstream conversations they think have little face value.

2. They constantly self-doubt

“The problem with today’s world is that while intelligent people are full of doubts, the stupid ones are very self-confident” — Charles Bukowski

As they possess a rather objective view, highly intelligent people are more self-conscious, have a higher degree of self-awareness, and constantly doubt themselves. Being hyper self-aware makes these individuals super conscious, critical, and judgmental in a social setting. They forget to go with the flow and get frustrated in social interactions.

3. They have high standards

Highly intelligent people know exactly what they want, what they talk, and what they do in every area of life. This is why they tend to have high expectations, both from themselves and from those around them. They know how to deal with logical situations, but social situations are not logical. When their expectations face the raw reality of life and people with average intelligence, they get anxious.

4. They detest small talk

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people” — Anonymous

Ordinary people gossip, laugh at each other, do stupid things for fun, and discuss mundane things like food, cosmetics, and soccer to keep a conversation going. Highly intelligent people find themselves out of place while socializing as they can’t summon up the enthusiasm to join in everyday conversations.

5. They are aware of your state of mind

Brianna Wiest, American writer and founder of Soul Anatomy, says “highly intelligent people are highly attuned to how someone is thinking, feeling or perceiving a situation, a little bit beyond what would be appropriate and healthy to function without over-thinking, worrying and trying to react to someone’s perceived state of mind, rather than the reality they are presenting”. As a result, all they can think about is how much they’d like to escape.

6. They suffer from general anxiety

Psychiatrists at SUNY Downstate Medical Centre in New York have found that higher levels of intelligence and increased levels of anxiety are linked. An anxious mind is constantly examining ideas, information, and experiences from multiple angles simultaneously. Thus, highly intelligent people find social engagement too overwhelming.

7. They are well-guarded

Highly intelligent people think analytically, even when it comes to things like interpersonal relationships. They have a harder time opening up because their analytical brain never stops reflecting back on past situations where they survived a not-so-pleasant experience.

8. They hide their vulnerabilities

Highly intelligent people learn from their mistakes and change their behavior in response to failures. However, this cautious attitude robs them of essential social skills. No one wants to interact with someone who is unwilling to share their experiences; someone who inadvertently sends a signal that they are cold or distant; someone who never failed.

9. They get obsessive

When highly intelligent people open up to topics that interest them, they become so heated and enthusiastic they tend to monopolize the conversation and appear as aggressively opinionated, know-it-all, and angry.

10. They can’t avoid conflict

Highly intelligent people often end up in conflict with others because they unintentionally begin correcting others; act as an overly argumentative debater, and start being intellectually competitive in social conversations. These people are so brainy and on a different wavelength that it interferes with their ability to relate to others.

Continue reading

Δευτέρα, 20 Φεβρουαρίου 2017

One of the biggest and most common questions someone in a relationship asks themselves is if they are with the right person. While there are some signs that can help you figure that out, another question you should be asking yourself is if you’re getting what you deserve out of your relationship. It can be hard to let go when that person is the only thing you’ve known for a long time. But it’s important to know your worth and know when someone else isn’t seeing it. These are 12 signs that you might be settling for less than you deserve.

1. You Make Excuses For Their Actions And End Up Blaming Others.

When they do something that you or others find unsettling, are you making up an excuse for them? Or maybe you’re blaming yourself or others for their actions? If your partner does something that you find less than acceptable, you should be able to talk things out. Covering up for them solves nothing.

2. They Don’t Have Aspirations.

They don’t really plan for their own future let alone one including you. They are content not having aspirations and don’t understand when you want to go out and do things in the world. In holding themselves back, they end up holding you back and keep you from realizing your potential.

3. You Feel You Are Never A Priority.

If they have nothing else going on, then maybe they’ll think about you. They’ll come for you when they have the time or feel like it. Not because you are important in their life. The harsh reality is that you are filler for their time.

4. You Can Rarely Count On Them To Be There For You.

No matter what you’re doing or where you are, if they call or text, you will answer and you are ready to be with them. However, if you need them, you’ll be damned if they actually respond or have the time for you. They might even ask if it can wait. Of course people are busy and someone can’t always be free, but when it counts, is your partner there for you?

5. You Would Rather Not Talk To Them.

Maybe you’re not waiting for them. Maybe you’re hoping you DON’T hear from them. When you get a text from them, you aren’t excited and you hardly look forward to seeing them. You’re just coasting through your relationship almost waiting for it to fizzle out, but you think this is as good as it’s going to get.

6. You’re Always Waiting On Them.

You’re waiting for them to call or text or ask to hang out. You’re waiting for them to stop their bad habits or tell you they love you. You’re waiting for them to follow through on their promises or start taking care of you better. You’re waiting for the day you finally find the person you first fell for.

7. Small Annoyances Turn Into Fights.

The little things that you once could overlook or that didn’t even bother you are suddenly the root of your fights — and you fight often. You are often irritable with them, almost too often. You aren’t sure if you are really angry or if you’re just looking for some form of passion and emotion, so you lash out over anything.

8. You’re Staying Because You Don’t Want To Be Alone.

When you think about why you stay, you think, “Well…it’s better than being alone.” You are so afraid of what being on your own might hold for you so you stay somewhere you are unhappy and with someone who is no longer the stars in your sky. Being alone is a dirty thought, even though being alone could be the thing that saves you.

9. You Wish You Were More Like Other Couples.

When you look at other couples, you think to yourself, “I wish I had what they had.” You are waiting for things to get better, but they aren’t and you become more and more envious of what other people have. You might even sometimes wish you were on your own because that would be better than longing for your partner to be an active part of your relationship.

Continue reading

Youth is a time of tremendous energy and spontaneous actions. It’s a period when time goes so slowly, and it seems that everything is still ahead and life will be eternal. We often tell ourselves, ’I’m still young. I still have time to travel, learn foreign languages, find someone special…’ But we often find that time passes more quickly than we think. So don’t waste your time dreaming about your life — live your dreams!

Today, we here share a list of great things that you should try today without waiting for ’the right time.’

1. Watch Sunrise In An Unusual Place

Whether it’s the Troll’s Tongue in Norway, a small island in the ocean, or the roof of a high-rise building in your native city, any place will work. Just leave your bed with the gentle rays of morning sun, and don’t forget to make a wish as you watch a new day begin.

2. Take A Trip

They say that people who spend money on travel rather than clothes and useless things are much happier. Sometimes even a small trip to a neighboring city can open a new world to you, let alone visiting foreign countries!

3. Find Time For Your Younger Brother Or Sister

Older brothers and sisters always have a lot of things to do, but they will never regret the time spent with their younger siblings. They grow up very quickly, and you may find that you have lots in common.

4. Don’t Dream About Kitesurfing! Do It!

Do you like playing the violin or dancing hip-hop? Or maybe you have read everything there is to know about skateboarding or kitesurfing? If so, it’s definitely time to move from theory to practice!

5. Conquer Your Fears

Fears of the dark, heights, or water are actually a very common thing. But it is better to challenge your phobias and become stronger and free.

6. Don’t Pass By Those Who Need Your Help

Perhaps you can do a little magic for someone who really needs it. You can start with something small at first, like donating some food to your local animal shelter.

7. Bring Your Most Incredible Idea Into Reality

You can definitely do it! Even taking the first step towards your dream is a small victory.

8. Find Time For Studying

Exams always come sooner than you think! Don’t make excuses to delay your preparation. Take every possibility to revise the material.

9. Compete To Achieve More

The spirit of competition will help you achieve better results in any area, whether it be cooking, architecture, design, cinema, or archaeology. Just keep working hard!

10. Take Every Opportunity To Learn From A Master

Of course, trial and error is sometimes the only way to gain experience. But you can significantly reduce your mistakes if you find a wise teacher.

11. Go To Carnival With Your Friends

Unforgettable impressions, vivid emotions, and the pulsating energy of life. This event is not to be missed!

12. Realize Your Childhood Dream

Childhood dreams have no boundaries! We imagine ourselves in a variety of scenarios and want to become astronauts or firefighters. So what’s stopping us from fulfilling our dreams?

13. Dance In The Puddles In An Unknown City!

Enjoy your youth and the freedom that comes with it. Look to the sky and rejoice at the sun, wind, or rain. Be happy no matter what!

14. Find The Courage To Be Yourself

When it comes to creativity, no fear and no obstacle should stop you from doing what you want to do! Just let yourself go and be yourself!

15. Fight For Your Love!

Every relationship has its ups and downs. The tough times in your life can either strengthen or weaken your relationship. It’s your individual choice which will make the difference.

Continue reading

Σάββατο, 18 Φεβρουαρίου 2017


It allows you to evade guilt and shame, bypass self-responsibility, and perhaps most importantly (and tragically), it allows you to dodge real life self-growth. Having a martyr complex essentially involves pointing the finger at other people or situations in your life and blaming them for your illnesses, disappointments, crushed dreams, and emotional turmoil.

So what is a Martyr? Do you have a Martyr in your life? And most importantly, do you tend to exhibit Martyrdom?


Traditionally a martyr is understood as a person who is willing to die for their country, religion or beliefs. These days, a martyr refers to a person who unnecessarily sacrifices themselves for others, while ignoring their own needs.


What is a martyr complex? A martyr complex is a destructive pattern of behavior in which a person habitually seeks suffering or persecution as a way to feel “good” about themselves. We all have the capacity to be martyrs, but martyr complex sufferers adopt this as a daily role, often to the detriment of their relationships.

Having a martyr complex is a way of life as it taints every interaction a person has towards others and their role in the world. I say this because I have not only personally wrestled with a martyr complex in the past, but in the present, I also frequently speak with and mentor self-imposed martyrs.


Why do some people become self-imposed victims, and others become self-possessed champions? There are a number of potential reasons why, and all of them might help you to develop a more compassionate understanding of others and/or yourself:

Childhood experiences mold us significantly, and often martyr complexes develop out of adopting the twisted behavioral patterns and values of our parents. For example, if our mother/father were self-imposed victims who gave up all of their hopes and dreams for us, it is likely that we would adopt the values of being “selfless, sacrificial and kind.” As our parent’s and family members were like gods to us when we were little, we unconsciously adopt many of their traits.

Societal/cultural conditioning also contributes greatly to our tendency to develop certain complexes throughout life. For example, making a simple comparison of South American and North American tradition reveals a lot about differing cultural expectations. Latina women, for example, are traditionally expected to be motherly, nurturing, self-sacrificing homemakers. American women, on the other hand, are frequently encouraged to be active, successful, and even a little selfish, business women. Our cultural roots determine many of the thoughts and feelings we have about who we are, and who we “should” be.

Self-esteem and the subsequent development of our core beliefs is also a major contributor to developing a martyr complex. The worse we feel about ourselves, the more we tend to try covering this up by making believe that we are “kind, loving, compassionate and caring.” Being a self-imposed martyr also removes the need for us to take responsibility of our lives by scapegoating other people as the cause of our failures and disappointments.


Here we’ll examine the martyr complex more in depth. All signs and examples will be phrased in the third person.

1. The person has a martyr as their hero, e.g. Joan of Arc, Francis of Assisi, Gandhi, Jesus, or perhaps a parent or grandparent who abandoned all of their hopes and dreams in “service” of the family.

2. They were born into a culture/country/family that has very strict gender roles, religious creeds, or expectations.

3. They display signs of low self-esteem, e.g. inability to receive love or affection, negative body image, excessive judgmentalism, moodiness, etc.

4. They were abused as a child emotionally, psychologically or physically (e.g. by a parent, sibling, family member, church member, teacher, etc.).

5. They have stayed in an abusive relationship or friendship, even despite their ailing health and well-being.

6. They refuse to accept responsibility for the decisions and choices that have caused them pain or suffering.

7. They portray themselves as righteous, self-sacrificing, the “nice guy/girl,” the saint, the caretaker, or the hero.

8. They blame the selfishness and inhumanity of other people for their repression and oppression.

9. They seek to reassure themselves of their innocence and greatness.

10. They exaggerate their level of suffering, hardship and mistreatment.

11. They have a cynical, paranoid or even suspicious perception of other people’s intentions.

12. They have an obsessive need to be right.

13. They have a hard time saying “no” and setting personal boundaries.

14. They assume that other people can read their mind.

15. They emotionally manipulate or coerce people into doing what they want by portraying themselves as the noble sufferer.

16. They don’t take initiative to solve their problems or try to actively remedy them.

17. When the Martyr’s problems are solved, they find more “problems” to complain about.

18. They actively seek appreciation, recognition, and attention for their efforts by creating drama.


1. Jessica is in a relationship with Paul who is an alcoholic. Her friends have constantly advised her to leave the relationship for her health, but Jessica keeps insisting that she will “change” Paul and help him to be a better person – despite his reluctance to improve himself.

2. Antonio is constantly staying overtime at work without being asked to. When one of his colleagues is promoted to the position of regional assistant manager within the company, he guilt trips his boss by pointing out how “hard he works and how much he sacrifices” without getting anything in return.

3. Melissa is trying her best at university, and yet her mother is frequently asking her for help within the house. When Melissa explains that she “has a lot to do” because of her university study, her mother starts complaining how selfish and unthoughtful she is, and how she “has given up everything to get Melissa where she is.”

4. Jake and Flynn own a restaurant. When Jake suggests that Flynn “take a break,” Flynn responds by saying, “Without me, this place will fall apart. I have no choice but to stay here.”

5. Valentina and Rodrigo have been married for 20 years. When Rodrigo suggests that Valentina start painting again, Valentina says, “How can I? I have to continue taking care of my children; I have too much to do,” even though both of their children are self-sufficient teenagers.


We’ll explore how to deal with people in your life that have a martyr complex in a future article. To finish up, I just want to provide a few quick, basic pieces of advice for helping yourself if you struggle with a martyr complex.

Firstly be honest with yourself. Honesty requires the courage and desire to truly live an empowered life.

Secondly, learn to take responsibility for your decisions, feelings and actions. Although it can be painful and hard to do, taking responsibility allows you to draw a line between what you can and can’t change in your life.

Thirdly, learn to value yourself. When you learn to respect and love yourself, you learn to say “no” to anything that doesn’t serve you such as blaming, victimization and deliberate suffering. Consequently, you allow yourself to truly enjoy life and find authentic self-fulfillment.

I’d love for you to share below what you have learned about having a martyr complex, or dealing with people in your life who struggle with one.


Aletheia Luna is an influential spiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. As a child, Aletheia Luna was raised in a fundamentalist Christian church. But after experiencing depression, isolation, and anxiety as a result of their dangerous cult teachings, she experienced a spiritual awakening at the age of 19. Since leaving and picking up the pieces of her life, Luna has dedicated herself to intense inner healing and a process she calls soulwork. As a mystic, spiritual mentor and soulwork therapist, her mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance. Read More →
Continue reading

Παρασκευή, 17 Φεβρουαρίου 2017

Imposter syndrome refers to the sense that you’re constantly “faking it”—that you’re secretly incompetent and will surely soon be discovered. And it doesn’t just apply to careers—it strikes parents and partners who constantly feel they’re falling short. Dozens of highly respected famous people have admitted to experiencing imposter syndrome; from fantasy author Neil Gaiman to World Health Organization chief Dr. Chan, no one is immune to the critical inner voice that says you’re about to be revealed as a fraud.

If you feel like you’re a guilty fraud at home or at work, consider following these eight tips to rid yourself of imposter syndrome.

1. Practice accepting compliments

It’s likely that “Oh, it was really nothing!” and “Well, it’s not that good!” are almost kneejerk responses to any praise you receive. If you start practicing replies that are more accepting and gracious, it will slowly get easier to assimilate these congratulatory remarks as accurate assessments. You don’t need to brag or act smug—a simple “Thank you” or “I’m really pleased you like it!” will suffice.

2. Test your skills in safe environments

Many people with imposter syndrome hold themselves back from things like giving academic talks or sharing creative output, so they never end up getting the feedback that would help boost their self-esteem. It’s helpful to commit to testing out your skills when the stakes are pretty low—say, by showing a friend your work or giving an informal presentation at a small workshop.

3. Drop the comparisons

If you’re prone to comparing yourself to others and then using these comparisons to remind yourself that you lack worth or talent, it’s time to stop! It’s easy to paint others as perfectly capable or happy, but this is really just an idealized fantasy that chronically erodes your self-worth. No matter how talented or smart someone else may be, they doubtlessly face their own struggles and experience self-doubt. In addition, there is enough success and love around for everyone—you have your own unique gifts to bring to the world.

4. Make a list of your achievements

Although it may feel arrogant or uncomfortable at first, you’ll really benefit from dedicating a notebook to a list of your accomplishments. Every week, write down the things that made you feel proud and successful in the area most intimately connected with your imposter syndrome. So, if work is your weak spot, be sure to note every validating remark you hear from a colleague or every good dialogue you have with a client. Meanwhile, if it’s your relationship that leaves you feeling inadequate, it can help to write down good things you did for your partner or to describe moments where you felt particular close.

5. Put a time limit on “revising”

Rehashing things in pursuit of perfection is a common element of imposter syndrome, as you will find it hard to believe anything you produce is “good enough.” Try firmly setting time boundaries and start getting used to letting things go before they’re flawless. While this tip is most obviously applicable to work projects and creative endeavors, you can also use it at home—for example, by enforcing a limit on how long you spend cleaning the living room before visitors arrive.

6. Lower your standard of authenticity

It’s one thing to be habitually insincere, hiding every part of your real identity and constantly morphing your personality to try and get what you want—that’s a clearly unhealthy way of being. On the other hand, recognize that you don’t need to feel guilty about making subtle changes to suit the context. You won’t talk to your grandparents in the same way that you talk to your boss, and that’s okay—it doesn’t make you a fake.

7. Change your approach to failure

Fear of failure can be an integral component of imposter syndrome, as can assumptions about what failure represents. Think back to times when you’re struggled at something, and then come up with at least one useful lesson you learned from that challenge. Allow this exercise to inform your thinking about apparent failures—as clichéd as it sounds, failures really are chances to learn and improve. In many cases, a degree of struggle is a necessary precursor to success.

8. Increase your self-knowledge

Finally, many of the above tips are highly practical in nature, tackling your behavior and impulses in a way that will hopefully impact on your imposter syndrome. However, it’s equally important to get a better handle on why you experience imposter syndrome. Ask yourself when it started, and if any significant life experiences or people played a role in its development. Were you ever humiliated at school? Did you grow up with a family that had unrealistically high standards? Have past partners downplayed your skills? Identify some of the precipitating factors, bring them out into the open, and work through the lingering emotions by writing in a journal or seeing a therapist.


Article source:
Continue reading