Truth Code

Δευτέρα, 20 Μαρτίου 2017

Cracked heels are a sign of lack of attention to foot care rather than just over exposure or lack of moisturizing. Read on to see how to get your heels in tip top condition for the summer.

As we expose our feet after a winter wrapped away they often look neglected and the most common problem is often unsightly cracked heels. This is not a harmful to our health except when the fissures or cracks are deep, when they tend to become painful and the skin begins to bleed. This could lead to infection and need monitoring especially for those already suffering from chronic ailments such as diabetes or who have a depleted immune system due to age or illness which may slow down the treatment of cracked heels.

Many cracked heel repair creams that are available in the market today contain a range of chemicals that can aggravate your skin and increase discomfort. So go natural, and give your tootsies a real treat.

1. Scrubbing

Scrubbing the hard, dead skin away helps a great deal in getting rid of cracked feet. Before scrubbing, soak your feet in warm soapy water to help soften the skin and make it easier to scrub.
  • Before going to bed, mix some liquid soap in a foot tub filled with warm water.
  • Soak your feet in this warm soapy water for about 20 minutes.
  • Use a pumice stone to gently scrub off the loosened dead skin cells.
  • Rinse off your feet with clean water and pat dry with a soft towel.
  • Apply some foot cream or moisturizer and wear a pair of clean cotton socks overnight.

Follow this remedy daily until your cracked feet are healed completely.

2. Moisturize!

If you (like most people) take care to moisturize your face and even arms and legs but ignore your feet, you probably have very dry feet. The feet are already drier than most other body parts, so you need to work at keeping them soft and supple. Moisturize multiple times a day. If you have a medical condition like athlete’s foot or diabetes or are elderly, your feet may be drier than normal. This is usually because of reduced blood flow, damaged nerves, or, in the case of diabetics, high levels of blood glucose.

3. Regular Oil Massage

If you have a tendency to develop dry feet, then it is very important for you to regularly exfoliate your feet. But make sure that you do not use harmful cosmetic products on your feet and try to go for natural oils. If the cracks in your feet are bit deep, then you can think of massaging your feet with olive oil or almond oil regularly to reduce the cracked heels and feet. You can also use vegetable oil or coconut oil on the affected areas under the feet and massage softly so that your feet get the necessary blood circulation. You can leave this oil on your feet overnight and wash it off in the morning.

4. Vaseline And Lemon Juice Mixture

You need to first thoroughly clean and wash your feet and then pat it dry. Now, soak your feet in lukewarm water for about 20 minutes to soften your skin. After again patting your feet dry, you need to apply a mixture of one teaspoon of Vaseline and two or three teaspoons of lemon juice over the cracked areas of your feet. Rub it evenly so that the mixture gets absorbed by your skin. You need to leave it overnight and wash it off the next day morning and you will see crack-free feet in a week’s time.

5. Be Gentle And Cover Up

Pat your feet dry when you are done with a bath or soak. Don’t be rough, as this could cause threads from the towel to get stuck in the cracks. Put on a pair of clean, soft socks made with cotton or natural fabrics and wear footwear all the time. Don’t use rough material like wool directly on cracked skin as it can make it worse.2 Your footwear could be contributing to the problem, so avoid wearing high heels or flip flops for lengths of time.

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A groundbreaking potential solution to homelessness and poverty is now a reality thanks to a company called Apis Cor. The company, based in Russia and San Francisco, has developed the capability to 3D-print an entire house in just 24-hours.

As the Telegraph reports, Nikita Chen-yun-tai, the inventor of the mobile printer and founder of Apis Cor, explained his desire is “to automate everything.”

“When I first thought about creating my machine the world has already knew about the construction 3D printing,” he explained

“But all printers created before shared one thing in common – they were portal type. I am sure that such a design doesn’t have a future due to its bulkiness. So I took care of this limitation and decided to upgrade a construction crane design.”

What sets Apis Cor’s product apart from the rest is that its mobile printing technology can print everything right on site. Prior to this method, portions of the house had to be made off-site and then transported. However, thanks to Apis Cor, that costly process is now a thing of the past.

“Printing of self-bearing walls, partitions and building envelope were done in less than a day: pure machine time of printing amounted to 24 hours,” the company said.

Once the printer finishes the house, it is removed with a crane and the roof is then added, followed by interior fixtures, fittings, and paint.

As ZeroHedge points out, the initial house consists of a hallway, bathroom, living room and kitchen and is located in one of Apis Cor’s facilities in Russia. The company has claimed that the house can last up to 175 years.

This incredibly cheap and efficient home only costs $10,134.

Below is a brief video of this amazing process. The 400-square-foot home is breathing new life into the industry of 3D printing. Imagine the capabilities this technology when applied to poverty-stricken areas throughout the globe. The implications are nothing short of revolutionary.
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Demis Hassabis:  Head of Google Deepmind. The development of Artificial Intelligence will likely have the largest impact on our future and the team at Deepmind spearheaded by Demis seem to be the closest to getting to genuine AI.

Elon Musk: Space X, Tesla, Open AI, Solar City, Gigafactories, Hyperloop, colonizing mars, autonomous vehicles, beaming global internet from space….this one seems pretty obvious

George Church:  Arguably the world’s leading geneticist. He is at the forefront of genetic engineering and synthetic biology, fields that are reshaping our biological destinies and changing the nature of life on earth.

Mark Zuckerberg: Facebook has been investing heavily in virtual reality, artificial intelligence, health services, and satellite internet, to name a few. Also considering his age, personal wealth and the recent rumors that he might seek the presidency soon, this one also seemed like a no brainer.

Xi Jin Ping: Wavered most on this pick but chose him due to China’s bold stance made this week at Davos, sending by far the largest and most powerful delegation of any nation. Clearly China is growing more assertive on the international stage lead by their Premier who has consolidated power like no other Chinese ruler in recent history. China has put forth an ambitious new five year plan that they hope will position themselves as a global hub of innovation for the 21st century. He also seems bolstered by the fact that his biggest rival on the international stage just appointed a leader lacking in the subtle art of international diplomacy.

Others: Craig Ventor, Jeff Bezos, Ben Goertzel, Ray Kurzweil, Gary Marcus, Aubrey De Grey, Peter Thiel, Trump, Tim Cook, Sundar Pichai, Larry Page, Satya Nadella, random graduate student

Of course, any such list is inevitably going to be a little arbitrary and prone to bias so if anyone has a good reason why somebody else should be on this list please state your case below.
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By Sarah Marquart

Regenerative dental fillings that allow teeth to heal themselves have been developed by researchers, potentially eliminating the need for root canals. The treatment earned a prize from the Royal Society of Chemistry after judges described it as a "new paradigm for dental treatments."


No one in their right mind would ever look forward to a filling at the dentist. Why can’t our teeth fix themselves? Maybe they can. At long last, scientists from the University of Nottingham and Harvard University may have revolutionized the way we look at treating dental issues. Their regenerative dental fillings allow teeth to heal themselves—potentially eliminating the need for the high-pitched drilling inherent in root canals.

Regenerating body parts sounds like something a superhero would do. So how do plain old humans get our teeth to regenerate without falling into a vat of toxic waste?

The tooth filling works by stimulating stem cells to encourage dentin growth. This is the bony material which makes up the majority of the tooth. Therefore, patients can effectively regrow teeth damaged through dental disease. Compared to the current methods used to treat cavities, this might sound great to anyone with a fear of the dentist.


Aside from a less traumatic experience in the chair, there are many benefits of this type of dentistry. “Existing dental fillings are toxic to cells and are therefore incompatible with pulp tissue inside the tooth,” said Adam Celiz, a research fellow from the University of Nottingham. “In cases of dental pulp disease and injury a root canal is typically performed to remove the infected tissues.”

Celiz describes the process, “We have designed synthetic biomaterials that can be used similarly to dental fillings but can be placed in direct contact with pulp tissue to stimulate the native stem cell population for repair and regeneration of pulp tissue and the surrounding dentin.”

This method won’t be available the next time you visit your local dentist. However, rest assured knowing scientists are hard at work developing the technique to replace traditional fillings.

References: Newsweek

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The Body Hacking Convention in Austin, Texas took place a few months ago. It brought together a collection of people who share in the idea of using technology to augment our biological capabilities and enhance the human experience. Austin was a fitting place to hold such an event as the city’s motto suggests…

One of the strongest voices for this movement is Amal Graafstra, CEO and founder of Dangerous Things as well as a firm believer that biohacking is the next step in human evolution. As he pointed out many times, this is a process that has already begun. Whether it be through pacemakers or breast implants, we already fix any part of us that we need to or enhance anything we deem to be sub-par. We also walk around with computers basically attached to us everywhere we go that are connected to the internet and all of humanity at all times. It is natural that we will continue to push this trend forward by further augmenting our bodies and merging ourselves with the tools we create. And he doesn’t just talk the talk, he has transponders implanted into his hands that allow him to open doors, start vehicles and log into his computer with the wave of his hand. His company sells such implantable devices and he has pioneered many of the techniques used in the biohacking industry.

A number of other devices (and the people they are lodged in) were also showcased at this event. Many were focused on allowing humans to intuit new senses, believing we are limited in the ways we can experience and interact with the world to just the five or so senses we are born with. There was North Sense, a device that allows people to feel where north is like a homing pigeon, there were implantable magnets that allow people to pick up objects like Magneto, some even strong enough to let people sense magnetic fields around them, echolocation goggles that help blind people detect objects in front of them, vests that enable the person wearing it to feel the world around them, a company called Cyberise selling everything implantable from chips to thermometers and an eyeborg who had a camera embedded into one of his eye sockets.

However, they were not the irrational sci-fi fanatics that many who first hear about them assume. They are a collection of very forward-looking scientifically minded people who believe in augmenting their biology for the betterment of themselves and the species. It seems this is where we are trending, gradually technology is spreading to every part of our lives and it is only a matter of time before we start making it permanent parts of our identity. The people attending this conference see themselves as simply catching the wave before most people have even seen the tide rising.

They are also keenly aware of how contentious the movement they are starting is, an assortment of ethical issues surrounding it were at the heart of nearly every talk and discussion at the conference. Among the questions addressed were a person’s right to augment their body however they see fit, whether programming code should be considered free speech, if it is incumbent upon us to push technology and augmentation forward to make the species more fit for survival, as well as the fear that many have that the growing gap in equality will continue to grow and that biohacks may lead to the species itself splitting into ‘the enhanced’ and ‘the naturals’ based solely on who can afford to pay for all these upgrades.

It is a fascinatingly complex issue further obfuscated by the reality that there is a blurry line between fixing something and enhancing. If a child is born with a genetic defect that we can treat it seems obvious that we should, but what if gene editing techniques can endow that child with an improved immune system so that they virtually never get sick? At what point do we say it is okay to replace a severed arm with a prosthetic that can restore some function but not okay to give people an arm that works much better than their biological one so others don’t start hacking off their arms to become Robocops? A myriad of such questions pop up when we think about all that we may soon be able to do.

There are no easy answers but the main take away from this conference is that society needs to start talking about these things because whether we like it or not it is becoming a part of our reality and we need to be ready for some very weird things on the horizon.


Much of what was discussed at the conference falls under the label of a growing movement known as transhumanism. It is a movement that aims to facilitate the next step in our evolution as we go from human to something beyond human. Recently a number of transhumanist parties have formed around the world primarily centered around three core tenants: that science and reason should be the basis for decision making not ideology, that government’s main responsibility is to eliminate existential threats to life on earth, and the promotion of science and technology for the betterment of all. Transhumanism also embodies the same ethos that pervaded the body hacking conference, the belief that technology will inevitably swallow the world and that it is actually changing us for the better, proponents of both believe we should accept that change and embrace the possibilities that come with it.

Not all share the movement’s optimism. Many associate much of the progress being made in the world, as well as the rise of ever more factional politics, with a dystopian vision of the future where we either end up destroying ourselves or becoming slaves to the organizations and technologies we are creating. This seems frighteningly plausible especially when you consider that one of the strongest backers of many of the technologies espoused by transhumanists is the military community, DARPA in particular, who envision the creation of universal soldiers equipped with a range of bionic sensors encased in indestructible exo-suits effectively making them superhuman. The development of such a soldier seems to already be at the forefront of the next global arms race.

But transhumanists argue that just the opposite is possible, they believe that by augmenting our biology and merging with technology we can liberate ourselves from many of the inconveniences of life, allowing us to more fully express who we are. Almost every tool that we have created, from the spear to the computer, has given us a better quality of life, and allowed us to live healthier, longer and more enlightened lives. This new age of technology will further facilitate that arc, freeing us from the drudgery of work, ridding us of disease, further connecting us to each other and allowing us to truly explore the limits of reality.

References: Benjamin Stecher
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Σάββατο, 18 Μαρτίου 2017


Tina was really mad at herself. She let Mark sweet talk his way back into her heart and now he was gone again, two short weeks later. She felt like such a fool. “Never again,” she said to herself. “I am so done.”

She’d gone no contact for a week now and felt really good about her decision. But as she entered her second week she couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t making any effort to contact her either. That old familiar feeling was creeping back up on her, working its way through her resolve. It started as some type of anxiety in her gut, maybe it was fear, then it travelled upwards to her heart and the ache started again. Then it made its way to her head and she started to have uncontrollable, irrational thoughts about what he was doing and who he was doing it with.

She logged onto Facebook and went to his profile to see what he was up to, then remembered that she had unfriended him. She looked at his public profile and could see that he had posted some new pics of himself, “Who are these women that are making comments and flirting with him?” she said to herself. She noticed he had added 7 new women friends in the past week and her heart sank.

Tina spent the next week hurting and thinking about Mark constantly. She wanted him to contact her again, but she was terrified that he wouldn’t. She thought about reasons she could use to contact him, but she couldn’t come up with any that would allow her to save face, so she gave up the idea. She contemplated sending a text and pretending she meant to send it someone else. ‘No he’d see right through that,’ she reasoned.

Another week goes by and her resolve is completely gone. Now she’s in full panic mode. The thoughts are constant, so is the heartache. He’s got to come back. That thought occupied her every waking moment. She had even tried to contact him telepathically. She’s obsessed checking her phone every minute, just in case she’s missed something. She’s on social media and scanning her email looking for any signs of contact. Nothing. Something’s got to give. She can’t go on this way…. she’s not eating, she’s not sleeping. She stays indoors, just in case.

Suddenly her phone goes off it’s a text message. She leaps for her phone. It’s him. Thank God it’s him. “Hey. How’s it going?”

She isn’t concerned that he’s been gone for weeks. She’s not concerned with what made her want to end it this time and the 7 other times before. All she cares about is that he’s back.

This is a common theme among boomerang relationships. They defy common sense. They are not logical and you usually find people behaving in ways they never would under normal circumstances, such as:

  • Putting up with their partner being involved with other women or men
  • Putting up with being ignored
  • Putting up with never being able to rely on them
  • Putting up with long periods of unexplained absences
  • Putting up will being lied to and deceived – even though you know you’re being lied to and deceived
  • Putting up with them putting in little to no effort
  • Putting up with looking weak, like a fool, doormat or like you  have no self-respect
  • Putting up with the feelings and behaviors that show that we aren’t special to that person – missing our birthday, standing us up, ditching us on holidays
  • Putting up with paying for everything and put in all the effort
  • Putting up with being allocated to the friend position

The million dollar question is why?

The answer is – they’re addicted to the high. They want the peak in the relationship cycle – they will accept all the crashing and all the sorrow and all self-hate that comes along with it, just as long as they keep getting a taste of those intense high feelings.

The high is that moment where the object of their obsession is giving them their undivided attention, which usually involves sex. Where they can perpetuate the fantasy that the relationship is something different than what it is, where for a brief moment they feel loved, cherished and special.

The reasons for this are complex and can be any number of the following:

  • Feeling starved for love and attention
  • An addiction to the high intensity feelings
  • Codependency
  • They are used to poor treatment
  • They live in fantasy world
  • They’ve claimed some type of ownership on the individual and can justify sleeping with them even though we know they are involved with someone else
  • Low self-esteem

An addiction is any activity that we cannot control or stop. Under that definition, our behavior could certainly be described as an addiction. But what is the addiction to?

It makes sense to say that it’s the person we’re addicted to. After all they’re usually our’ type,’ they’re fun and charming. We love being physical with them. We know everything about them. So it must be them, right?

A wave of relief washed over Tina as she text Mark back, “I’m good. How are you?” She asked, completely glossing over the hell she had just been through. They made arrangements to meet that weekend. Tina would have to drive the 80 miles to his hometown and she’d have to spring for the hotel room because Mark didn’t have the money.

She was excited as the days ticked down. Finally the day arrived and she was on her way to see him. Once she got there she noticed Mark was acting kind of aloof. He didn’t seem all that thrilled to see her. They made small talk and ate the take-out Tina brought. Later that night they had sex. It seemed different this time. Almost as if Mark wasn’t really into it. There was no kissing, just the act, then he rolled over and went to sleep. Tina lied there staring at the ceiling. They had gotten together and had sex so often it was hard to keep track of how many times. Why was she feeling so … cheated this time? She was angry and realized this wasn’t what she wanted.

She realized that If Mark would have paid attention to her like he usually did, if he would have been present and seemed interested in being physical with her and if he had held her and made her feel the love she craved afterward she may have continued in this boomerang relationship indefinitely.

This client of mine came to understand that she was not addicted to the man she’d been obsessing over, it was the intensity of feeling that he could take her to that she was addicted to. Once he stopped taking her to that emotional peak, she was no longer interested in having anything to do with him. It took a while for all of the feelings to ebb away, but when she came to that realization the spell was broken and she was free.


Savannah Grey is a writer, a certified hypnotherapist and has degrees in both Journalism and Psychology.
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A mushroom cloud forms after a nuclear weapons test dubbed Operation Hardtack-1 - 
Nutmeg in May 1958 on Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. Credit: LLNL
After decades spent slowly disintegrating in high-security vaults, thousands of historic films of U.S. nuclear weapons tests have been salvaged, including some that have been newly declassified. The incredible footage shows enormous mushroom clouds ballooning over the horizon in what could be a doomsday flick.

In total, an estimated 10,000 films were created of nuclear weapons tests between 1945 and 1962, according to the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory (LLNL). For the past five years, a team of researchers led by LLNL weapon physicist Greg Spriggs has been collecting the footage to scan, reanalyze and declassify, before the films fully decompose.

About 6,500 of the films have been located so far, and now, an initial collection of 64 videos, all showing tests conducted by the LLNL, have been made available online.

After five years of work, the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory (LLNL), led by physicist Greg Spriggs, managed to digitalize and declassify some of these archival films.

“The goals are to preserve the films’ content before it’s lost forever, and provide better data to the post-testing-era scientists who use computer codes to help certify that the aging US nuclear deterrent remains safe, secure and effective,” LLNL said in a press release.
So far, the LLNL team has managed to locate around 6,500 of the estimated 10,000 films created during the period. Out of that number, around 4,200 films have been scanned, while around 750 have been declassified. The declassified footage has been published on the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory’s YouTube channel.

“One of the payoffs of this project is that we’re now getting very consistent answers,” Spriggs said. “We’ve also discovered new things about these detonations that have never been seen before. New correlations are now being used by the nuclear forensics community, for example.”

The team working on the project estimates that it will take another two years to scan the rest of the films. Spriggs hopes that the Armageddon footage will dissuade nations from ever using their nuclear arsenal.

“It’s just unbelievable how much energy’s released,” Spriggs said. “We hope that we would never have to use a nuclear weapon ever again. I think that if we capture the history of this and show what the force of these weapons are and how much devastation they can wreak, then maybe people will be reluctant to use them.”

Source: |
Video Credits: Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory
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“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” – Eckhart Tolle

The body is a miraculous thing. When it’s sick it develops symptoms that tell us that something is wrong. When our spirit is sick our bodies also provide us with symptoms, which manifest as feelings of anxiety, deep emotional sorrow, panic attacks, depression, heart ache, hopelessness, helplessness, frustration, and despair.

Very few of us pay attention to the physical symptoms our body gives us when it comes to our emotional health. We all know that love feels great. We know when we’re experiencing those feelings, but what about when we’re experiencing, I’m being disrespected feelings, or, he/she is using me and doesn’t really love me, feelings?

A lot of us have relationships that aren’t working, but we’re determined that they’re going to turn out the way we want them to. We keep trying to make it work, keep living Einstein’s definition of insanity. It’s like we keep trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. We’re smashing and smashing this poor peg trying to get it to go through, but it just won’t.

For whatever reason, when we’re emotionally involved, we can’t comprehend the idea that only a round peg is meant for a round hole. When we keep trying to force that square peg, all we do is get frustrated and we destroy the peg and the hole and we blame ourselves in the process. It’s like we stop using our common sense and our intuition. We get tunnel vision and we are determined to make two things fit that aren’t supposed to. We develop an allergic reaction to the truth. We don’t pay attention to and miss, what would be easier and what actually will work, because we’re too preoccupied with what isn’t working.

I met a woman years ago that could speak to the dead. Really. Like John Edwards and Long Island Medium kind of speak to the dead. During our conversation she said to me, “There are people in your life who are meant to come and go. Once they have fulfilled their part in your life and have taught you what they’re supposed to, they’re supposed to move on and no matter how hard you try to make it work, or how much you deny it, it will never work out because it’s not meant to go any further.”

The Carrot or the Stick

I was bound and determined to make my relationship work with my Narcissist. I had physical symptoms, my body was twisted up in knots, I felt hopelessly lost, I was miserable beyond belief, but none of that mattered, nor was it enough to sway me to let go.

Pema Chodron, author of When Things Fall Apart, tells us that in life, we either get the carrot method, or the stick method and if we’re too dense to follow the carrots, we get the stick.

My mind was so wrapped up in my relationship that I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on around me. I knew something wasn’t right, but I continued to ignore it, because for whatever reason I wouldn’t let go of the picture I had in my mind of how it was supposed to be.

So life did what it always does when you aren’t going in the right direction – it gave me the stick. I lost everything in a matter of weeks, my spouse, my mother, my house my job, my car, my boat….and all things material.

The Universe knew it had to do something drastic to bring me back to life and reunite me with my true self. It had to take the option out of my hands, because if given the choice I would have continued to make the wrong one every time. This time it felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me and I had nowhere safe or familiar to land.

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” J.K. Rowling

I was beyond terrified, had the universe not made the choice for me, I would still be in that awful, abusive relationship. I would still be in my high-paying/soul-sucking job, this blog would never have come into existence, my writing career wouldn’t have taken off and I wouldn’t have grown and evolved into the happy, strong, fiercely independent, self-love warrior that I am today.

If I was to compare my life then to now, anyone would say, “Oh girl by far you are in a much, much better place, financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically….” There is no area where my life isn’t better, but at the time, all I could see was the loss of what I had – not the opportunity that was waiting for me.

Starting over is scary business. But when you’re in this position you have two choices, you can a) keep doing what you’ve always done, or b) do something completely different and travel down a different path. An unfamiliar path.

I had to reach out and take the life that I wanted. This is the point in the road where a lot of people turn back. Not only is it a scary place, but it’s full of uncertainty and fear. How can you move towards something so unfamiliar where the outcome is 100% uncertain? It’s no-mans-land. In Chodron’s book she talks about how being in no-man’s-land is utterly terrifying to most people and when you are scared, you’re on high alert – all senses are revved up to the max.

Imagine walking through a jungle and all of your senses are attuned to your surroundings, ready to react to any threat. This is what it’s like to be in no-man’s-land. Chodron says this is the time when you are really alive – because when you’re in this place, you are highly focused, fully present and completely awake.

When you step through that door and stop doing what you’ve always done and you take a step in a new direction, an unfamiliar and uncertain direction, you gain control. That’s where your life is. Your real life. It’s where you find yourself, who you really are and once you move in that direction, you won’t be the same person anymore. Once you’ve chosen the red pill instead of the blue pill, you can’t go back and you won’t want to.

You will never go wrong walking away from something that harms your soul. The key is to move towards your purpose and what makes your heart sing, and not to keep moving towards the same harmful choices you’ve always made, because you will repeat this lesson and this scenario until you learn to step forwards and not backwards or sideways.

The Universe sends us clues, our bodies, also tell us, when we aren’t living authentically. The signs are all around us. Oprah Winfrey has said that, “Your life is always speaking to you,” but what she left out is  that, only those who are fully awake in their lives, are the ones that will hear the message.

Savannah Grey is a writer, a certified hypnotherapist and has degrees in both Journalism and Psychology.
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I loved my best friend. I still do. I hope that she is happy and thriving in her life. I’m not just saying that to sound evolved, or advanced in some way. I really mean it. I remember fondly the days where we would have long and deep conversations over dinner. I lived for those days. We would talk about everything from the mundane to the profound. We would share books and ideas. Our conversations were never boring and I always looked forward to them.

You have a lot of really special memories when you have a bestie. Parties, poker games, nights out, BBQ’s, road trips, there is a lot to look back on that makes me smile. We would often see two old ladies, out and about, in our travels and we would joke that that would be us some day.

You always think you could lose your husband, or your boyfriend, but never your best friend. Your best friend is supposed to be there with you through it all. They are the ones you talk to, who know you best – better than any spouse ever could. Losing mine was tough, but I knew it was something I had to do and I knew it was time.

I talk a lot in this blog about the importance of being able to relatively predict your partner’s behavior and what I mean by that is, that there should never be a time, where your partner’s behavior leaves you completely surprised and where it is so outrageous and inappropriate, that you are left seriously shocked and disturbed by it.  I’m not talking about when your partner gets mad once in a while, I’m talking, ‘you don’t know what’s coming next, jaw is on the floor, wondering if you’re safe and they’re crazy,’ kind of behavior.

This was what I had come to expect from my best friend. She had a penchant for going into rages and creating drama and problems where none existed. The last straw was waking up one morning to awful messages she had written about me on social media, as well as in a private email and comments on my blog. She then started texting me relentlessly, calling me names and using profanity. I tried to get her to calm down. I told her that her behavior was inappropriate, yet that only seemed to fuel her more. I told her several times to stop and she just kept going. I was at work and she was upsetting me. She was in a rage and out of control – over nothing. Her behavior had driven me to the point where I told her I was done and I stopped responding.

A few days later, she couriered a book to me that I had loaned her with a nice note that said she would always be there for me and always love me. I took this as a sign that she had realized that she had behaved badly and this was her apology, or at least an olive branch.

These freak-out incidents didn’t happen often, but when they did they were awful. They were irrational and they always had the same outcome: Her being offended by something trivial, me thinking I’d rather have her as my friend than be right, which would then have me rushing to her side to ask for her forgiveness, followed by her atop her thrown, scolding me and her always getting to be right and never, ever having to apologize.

As I started to get emotionally healthy I had to get real about her behavior and I couldn’t ignore what was going on any longer. I knew her back story, so it was easy for me to minimize and rationalize what was going on, but the signs were obvious.

When you discover that there is a Narcissist in your life, don’t be surprised if you discover more than one hiding in plain sight. The most telling sign for me was that I felt drained after spending time with her. I always had to lift her up. She was always tired, busy, sick, or put upon…. There was always something going on in her life that was more important, or more pressing than anything in my life. I felt that our relationship wasn’t ever about me. It was always about her. Sure she would say the words at times, but I never felt any real support from her.

I also knew that she would never acknowledge her issues. She was always going to be right, even when presented with indisputable evidence to the contrary. I realized that I couldn’t continue on my path of growth and healing, while still having, what I viewed as a very dysfunctional relationship, with someone who held a front row seat in my life.

I’ve got a pretty simple rule now for dealing with people, whose behavior isn’t to my liking – I either, accept them as they are, or I leave. I don’t cajole, whine, beg, or nag anyone to change – it’s a colossal waste of time. I couldn’t accept my best friend’s behavior anymore. I was done walking on egg shells, hoping not to set her off again, so I left the friendship.

We haven’t communicated in two and a half years and in that time I’ve developed a zero tolerance policy for over-emotional, unpredictable and unstable behavior. As soon as I witness it, I’m out the door, leaving a trail of smoke in my wake. That kind of behavior doesn’t get a second chance, because if you’re capable of it once, you’re capable of it 1000 times. I’m just not interested in anyone who could act that way. To me, this type of behavior triggers my warning beacons and tells me that this person is seriously dysfunctional. No one deserves to be on the receiving end of someone else’s histrionics. There is never an appropriate excuse, or reason for someone to behave like that. Never. When you see it, it’s a warning sign that something is very wrong with this person and it shouldn’t be ignored.

As I started to make new friends I experienced just how easy it was to be with them. It didn’t feel like work and it didn’t leave me feeling drained. I didn’t have to over compliment them to make them feel better, they didn’t regale me with stories about how awful their lives were, or how much (psychosomatic) pain they were in. They were just themselves and I was just allowed to be me. I realized that if I had to put in so much effort and try so hard, to be someone’s friend, then it just wasn’t worth it.

My days of always being responsible for the moods of others were over. My need to fix the broken was over. My need to maintain the peace at my own expense was over and my days of lifting people up and feeding them my energy were over.

After I got the book back from my best friend, I sent her an email. I acknowledged her olive branch and I wasn’t quite ready to completely write her off. I told her I needed time to think and I listed my concerns about her behavior and our friendship. Less than 24 hours later I got not one, but two emails from her – long and scathing. I read the first paragraph and stopped. I didn’t need to read anymore. I knew that both emails would contain mocking and contemptuous insults and that everything was going to be all my fault. As I hit delete, I thought about how her comments parroted what many abusers say after their outrageous behavior, “Look at what you made me do.” It seemed fitting.

I was never going to win this war with her and that was okay. Friendship isn’t supposed to be a battle. I don’t need to have the last word. That day was the day I made the decision to stop trying. I wanted stillness, serenity and calm. I vowed that day, that I would never again allow another’s behavior to disturb my inner peace. Its importance is beyond measure to me. It’s what keeps me balanced and centered in life. My decisions and my actions affect that peace, so learning to control myself and my environment is what is most important in my life. Leaving someone, who is unstable and makes you feel off-balance, isn’t selfish. It’s an act of self-love. It sends a message to that person, yourself and the universe that says, “I choose to be happy. I choose joy and inner peace.”

I still think about her from time to time. I try to only think about the good times. She taught me some really valuable lessons and for that I’ll always be grateful. I know, in typical Narcissistic fashion, in her retelling of this story, I would be the villain and 100% responsible and that’s okay. Her behavior doesn’t affect my inner peace anymore.

Letting go of someone you love is never easy, but sometimes it’s necessary for our overall mental health and growth. Because of her behavior I can’t give her a front row seat in my life anymore. I still love her, but I just have to do it from afar now and I’m okay with that.

Signs Your Friendship Might Be Toxic

  • You feel drained after being with them
  • They on occasion act out in an extremely inappropriate and over the top manner
  • Everything is always all about them
  • They have substance abuse issues
  • They seem superficial and disingenuous
  • You often wonder if something is psychologically wrong with them
  • They don’t make you feel good or empower you
  • Being with them sometimes feels like work
  • They bad mouth you behind your back
  • They are needy
  • They always need to be right
  • There is no reciprocity
  • You feel like you are being manipulated by them

Savannah Grey is a writer, a certified hypnotherapist and has degrees in both Journalism and Psychology
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Παρασκευή, 17 Μαρτίου 2017

Christina Sarich, Contributor

Stopping the inner rage of unforgiveness can be easier than you think.

Are you feeling resentment? Pain? Anguish? Perhaps even fury? It doesn’t matter if your emotions are directed at the general idiocy of a government that seems bought-out by an elitist class, or a close friend or family member. It doesn’t matter if you are raging at a complete stranger on the road, in a moment that dissipates fairly quickly, or if you are dealing with years of abuse or emotional torment. Forgiveness is a spiritual act that requires us to see things differently than we do now.

It doesn’t seem to be so when we are thinking of the wrong another has done to us, or the hurt they’ve so carelessly lavished, but forgiveness can free us from even the most unforgivable acts. Many of us hold onto our anger in hopes that this emotion will somehow anchor in some Universal Justice – as if our teeth gritting, and brow furrowing can somehow balance the teetering scales of righteousness in the world.

Sadly, the act or words of another that we keep running in our minds is like emotional cement, keeping us stuck and unable to move into peace. Our unforgiveness often doesn’t even affect the ‘other’ as much as it does us. There is a Tibetan Buddhist story about two monks who encounter each other many years after being released from prison where they had been horribly tortured by their captors. “Have you forgiven them?” asks the first. “I will never forgive them! Never!” replies the second. “Well, I guess they still have you in prison, don’t they?” the first says.

Many mistakenly believe that forgiveness somehow absolves another from their wrong-doing. That in forgiving, we helplessly accept, give up, surrender to defeat – that we are helpless. The exact opposite is true. When we face a terrible wrong, and look within to see how we can prevent the same incident from happening again, then we are truly on the correct spiritual path.

Dr. Fred Luskin is the Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects. He has led the largest research project to date to study the effects of forgiveness on hurt individuals. He has dealt with people suffering from a huge rang of things needing to be forgiven – from a romantic break up to the murder of a child. He believes that there are specific steps one can take to reduce the stress that comes with holding onto hurt, and make the progress of forgiveness as easy as possible. I tend to agree. Forgiveness usually takes a little time, but it needn’t consume your life for years. You can start with these eight steps to move your heart into the right place, and begin to forgive:

1. We are often afraid to truly articulate just how much we have been wronged, but we must. In cases that are more obvious – such as losing a family member in a war-torn country to the hands of an unfeeling mercenary – it is easier to explain how angry and sad we are, but in other cases, such as with long-term familial abuse, we may have even come to think the behaviors we were subjected to were ‘normal,’ and only later do we realize how much pain and hurt we stuffed down over the years in order to function within our family unit. When that pain is realized, it is helpful to articulate it to a counselor or a few close friends. Keeping those emotions locked inside does not permit the process of forgiveness to begin.

2. Forgiveness is a personal journey. You do it for yourself, not for the person you think needs to be forgiven, or anyone else. Once you make a commitment to do whatever it takes to let go of the pain and feel better – and do it for you, then forgiveness starts to become an easier endeavor. When you feel better about yourself, after all, you will find it more difficult to hold grudges against others. When needed practice self-care and self-love. If you are still involved with the person or people who you are trying to forgive, you can simply explain to them that you need time to care for yourself. If this is not appropriate due to the ongoing behavior of another, then simply practice uncompromising self-love and distance yourself from the other person until your feelings of anger and hatred dissipate. Reconciliation may be possible in the future.

“Your forgiveness should be such that the person who is forgiven does not even know that you are forgiving them. They should not even feel guilty about their mistake. This is the right type of forgiveness. If you make someone feel guilty about their mistake, then you have not forgiven them.” ~ Patanjali Yoga Sutras, The Art of Living

3. While reconciliation is at times possible, sometimes it just isn’t. If someone is emotionally unstable, and will likely continue to act in hurtful or harmful ways, we don’t need to be physically or emotionally near them to forgive them. What you’re after is internal peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the peace and understanding that comes from dropping the blame for whoever has hurt you – changing your never-ending story of grievance, and realizing that they were possibly playing a role in the grand play of life – called maya – to help you learn more about yourself. It doesn’t mean that murdering your child is right, or that stealing, cheating, emotional abuse, or other ‘wrongs’ are ‘right.’ It simply means that you choose to see that person’s pain as the impetus for their own actions, and not as a personal affront to you. Maya Angelou once said, “You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, ‘I forgive, I’m done with it.’” If someone has been narcissistic, selfish, hateful, or jealous, you can forgive them for your own peace of mind, and allow them to learn from the Universal lessons, which are surely coming their way, to help them forgive those who hurt them also. While you don’t have to reconcile with others who are not ready to do this spiritual work for themselves, you do have to reconcile your own emotions.

4. Believe it or not your hurt is coming from what you feel now, not what happened ten minutes ago, an hour ago, days ago, or even ten years ago. That old adage about time healing all wounds is true, but this is because we tend to get caught in karmic cycles that cause us to mentally recycle pain instead of letting it go. In the book Karma and Reincarnation Transcending Your Past, Transforming Your Future, Elizabeth Clare Prophet and Patricia R. Spadaro explain that while “karma means accountability and payback, reincarnation is simply another word for opportunity.” Karmic retribution is not punishment, but the benevolent Universe’s way of allowing us free will. It does mean, however, that what we do unto others, will be done unto us, somehow, at some time, in some way. The Sioux holy man, Black Elk, has explained that even nature comes full circle, and Voltaire espoused the fact that “it is not more surprising to be born twice, than once; everything in nature is resurrection. The cycles of karma and reincarnation can help us to understand family patterns, community patterns, and even wider societal patterns that need undoing. When we stay stuck in thoughts of the pain another has caused us, we miss the opportunity of this incarnation. After talking about a hurt with another person, and expressing it fully, it is time to start letting it go, and looking at the patterns which we created it. This is the true gift of being ‘hurt’ be another – it is really a chance to see how we have hurt ourselves.

I had the feeling that I was a historical fragment, an excerpt for which the preceding and succeeding text was missing . . . I could well imagine that I might have lived in former centuries and there encountered questions I was not yet able to answer; that I had to be born again because I had not fulfilled the task that was given to me. ~ Carl Jung

5. Stop your fight or flight response. When we start to ruminate about what another has done to us, our hypothalamus gets in gear, engaging both the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenal-cortical system. When the effect of these two systems goes ‘online’ the fight or flight response begins – this means we are in moderate to full-blown fear mode. We are afraid this will happen to us again. We are feeling the incident as if it were happening right now, no matter now long ago it occurred. Our heart rates and blood pressure rise. We might even sweat a little. Our bodies are flooded with 30 different stress hormones and it can make ‘forgiving’ very difficult. By instead practicing a simple, calming mantra meditation, a few yoga asanas, yoga nidra, nadi shodhana, or going for a short walk outdoors, we can reverse this fight-or-flight response, and deal with the fear behind our pain from a more level emotional state.

6. Give up your expectations of others – Dr. Luskin calls this ‘recognizing the unenforceable rules.’ In other words, you can’t expect to get from others, what they have no ability or desire to give you. While we can practicelove without expectation, we also should be aware that others aren’t always capable of loving back. If your inner child is still bemoaning the inability of an emotionally shutdown father to be affectionate and caring, or you expect a selfish boss to behave differently, then you are setting yourself up for more pain, and often. Realize that what you seek from others – kindness, love, affection, support – will come from those willing and able to give it, and the more you offer it to yourself, the more likely these individuals will come into your orbit. Just let the others, who are not ready to act as evolved, be. No resentment – that’s just where they are at in their cycle or karma and reincarnation.

7. Know that a life well lived is your best revenge – as long as you stay hurt and angry, you are feeding the ego of the person who felt the need to hurt you. You give that person power over you – you are still in ‘prison’ like the two monks said. Find personal power in the good things in your life. Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough are two of the leading American investigators of gratitude. They describe gratitude as personality strength—the ability to be keenly aware of the good things that happen to you and never take them for granted. Grateful individuals express their thanks and appreciation to others in a heartfelt way, not just to be polite. If you possess a high level of gratitude, you often feel an emotional sense of wonder, thankfulness and appreciation for life itself. Start a gratitude journal, or simply practice a few moments of quiet contemplation realizing all you do have now, instead of getting stuck on your hurt feelings. Counting your blessings is not only good for your health, but it helps to dissipate sadness, anger, and frustration.

8. Change your ‘story’ – Instead of telling a story to yourself and others about how you were done wrong, decide torewrite the script. You can, instead of being a victim, decide to use the experience as a way to heal others, and practice one of the most profound spiritual practices ever taught. Imagine the ripples that the pebbles of forgiveness could send out into the world. I give the example of a man named Robert Rule to explain exactly how profound changing your story can be:

“Gary Leon Ridgway is better known as the infamous Green River Killer. In 2003, he confessed to the murders of 48 women. In 2011, Ridgway was convicted of the murder of Rebecca Marrero, bringing the victim count up to 49. By his own confession, he may have murdered as many as 60 women. Ridgway especially despised prostitutes and targeted them for his killings. At Ridgway’s 2003 sentencing, the families of the victims had the opportunity to speak out and address Ridgway directly. Understandably, many were angry and lashed out at Ridgway for the unimaginable grief he had put them through. As Ridgway stonily listened to the family members express their grief and anger, one person came up and said something unexpected. When the time came for Robert Rule, the father of teenage victim Linda Jane Rule, to speak, Ridgway finally showed a glimpse of remorse. Rule’s words to Ridgway were: “Mr. Ridgway . . . there are people here that hate you. I’m not one of them. You’ve made it difficult to live up to what I believe, and that is what God says to do, and that’s to forgive. You are forgiven, sir.” These words brought Ridgway to tears.”

About the Author

Christina Sarich is a musician, yogi, humanitarian and freelance writer who channels many hours of studying Lao Tzu, Paramahansa Yogananda, Rob Brezny, Miles Davis, and Tom Robbins into interesting tidbits to help you Wake up Your Sleepy Little Head, and *See the Big Picture*. Her blog is Yoga for the New World . Her latest book is Pharma Sutra: Healing The Body And Mind Through The Art Of Yoga
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